Extraterrestrials Have Hair Humans Cannot Even Imagine

"Scientists Speculate Extraterrestrials May Have Completely Different Hair Than Humans"
By: J Wilson
Source: The Onion
http://www.theonion.com/articles/scientists-speculate-extraterrestrials-may-have-co,37686/

    Considering the infinite amount of celestial bodies in the known universe, scientists from across the world gathered at Stanford University and released a report this week saying that any extraterrestrials may have hair completely different than humans. The researchers also mentioned that aliens could have  hair with color and texture, so different than humans that no one would be able to recognize it. Astrobiologist, Jeremy Rosenwald mentioned that "We do not even have the vocabulary to describe how aliens could look with such differences". The amount of gravity or water on a planet can determine if the hair is curly or wavy. Rosenwald described the alien's hair as, "Styling beyond the human brain's capacity to conceive". Researchers used computer stimulations to try to understand how the hair would look in an area with a different or absent atmosphere. They discovered that the aliens might not only have hair that is black, brown, blonde or red, but any color on the visual spectrum or one that is completely translucent. Scientists went on to say that since humans could not even visualize how an aliens hair could look maybe they could have hair that parts horizontally across the top of their head. Astronomer Nigel Lucas mentioned that they had gathered several images on how bangs would look on an alien in a ninety-percent methane atmosphere. These aliens could be far more intelligent than us and have hair salons much more advanced than ours today.
    This article has uses a great amount of satire. It is satirical in every sentence. It uses incongruity by stating that aliens have hair salons or that they could have bangs and translucent hair. These statements all sound sarcastic and absurd. An example is found in the article, "The scientists went on to suggest that because the differences between humans and extraterrestrials could extend to the fundamental building blocks of life, alien organisms may even have a head of hair that parts horizontally across the top of their head, rather than vertically at the center or to either side".